summer resolutions
I hereby announce a contract...with myself.
Starting from this very minute, I am no longer allowed to buy myself anything* for 30 days. I may resume shopping if I continue to:
a.) go to the gym at least twice a week**
b.) restrict myself to one ice cream item per week***
c.) not buy myself things*
Should I violate either a, b, or c, the shopping restriction will hereby extend a total number of 7 days per violation.
(to myself) This is good for you. I'm doing this because I love you, and I care about your well-being. You dont' want to become one of those brokeass fat ladies that you have to make an extra lap around just to get past.
***The size of the ice cream item is suggested, but not required, to remain under 2 scoops.
**Should extenuating circumstances happen (i.e. sore feet, bad weather, chronic fatigue), gym requirements can be reduced to once a week, with an added 200 crunches
*This offer does not pertain to sale items, specials, necessities, sunscreen, shorts, underwear, makeup, and sparkly things
Signed,
Tiffany
but ohhh-oh, those summer nights
This summer, I'm not going to be so dumb as to plan on losing weight (if it didn't work last year, or the year before, probably not going to work now). Instead, I'll just try to not gain anymore weight.
But here's the problem. My parents LOVE Haagan Daz ice cream bars. They buy them in bulk from Costco, and when there's nothing to do, I just go into the fridge and stuff them into my face. Also, to avoid picking up my sister late from school, my mother also goes to Bally way early in the morning. Personally, I like sleeping more than running on the treadmill, and I'm sure most people can relate.
It's just...goddamn. I bought a pair of 7s yesterday, and I'm totally not the size I expected to be. It's kinda depressing, and it's depressing that I'd get all tangled inside because of this. My life's trivial, I know.
But at least I'm going to DISNEY!!!! I'm way excited. Karl booked our vacation for August, and we're spending 6 days there. It's our first time going to Disney World, so I don't think we'll be able to sleep the night before. We got a really good deal, so if any of you are planning on a trip to Florida, just let me know. Basically, these are the things included:
1. roundtrip airfare
2. 5 nights at Disney resort
3. all meals included (inc. full-course restaurant meals)
4. transportation to/from airport/hotel/parks
5. insurance, fees, etc
Altogether...a little over $600, which I think is an excellent deal. Before, we were looking at cruises, but that would've been over a thousand bucks per person, and there's a huge chance that I'll get seasick. I'm just glad we made reservations for August, because then I'll have something to look forward to the entire summer.
But again, the PROBLEM. I need to keep weight OFF my butt. I need to look good in a swimsuit and shorts. I can't have my butt devouring everything I wear because that's inappropriate in front of children.
the obvious for the (visually) oblivious
"The moon is no door. It is a face in its own right,
White as a knuckle and terribly upset"
--Sylvia Plath
It's lines like these that tempt me into pretending I'm blind. I'd take the hand of a 4-year old girl, and she'd lead me around, describing everything she sees in the commonest of languages. It's so simple: white as a knuckle. And yet I never would've thought of that, and if I did, I would've used it wrong and made it seem trite.
I like that I have a lot of time for thinking now, and also for making significantly harder quizzes for my students. No matter, because I have to read every book that each student decides to do for "free reading." To avoid having to scramble and fly through book after book, I've been convincing them to choose between Count of Monte Cristo (a favorite amongst the boys), Dracula, or anything Austen (for the girls).
At noon tomorrow, I'll be doing hair and makeup for one of my students for her 8th grade prom. It makes me feel kinda warm inside, knowing that not only do I help her in writing, but I also can help her feel good about herself all prettied up. Maybe one day I'll take formal classes and be a salon-person on the side. Which would be on the side of being a pastry chef. Which is on the side of being a superhero by night.
Anyway, hooray for the end of the schoolyear!! Two more to go, and the real challenges are right around the corner. I really wish I didn't care so much about grades, but at the same time, I know that this anxiety is what's keeping my grades afloat. It's just...sometimes I really hate myself. Like serious hate, not just staring into the mirror and being annoyed at a bad hair day. I mean...can't live with myself hate. And these are the moments when I realize I'm stressing over something entirely insignificant, and I should be spending that time thanking God for everything He's blessed me with. I'm the luckiest girl alive, and a part of me truly believes that.
I went to Sally's Beauty Supplies today and bought darker hair dye. It didn't really work; my hair's still just as light, but less orange/red. It's more a cool brown now, maybe a bit auburn. My sister's planning on cutting her hair short and dyeing it blue, and my mom isn't against it!! I remember when I wanted dramatic changes like these back in high school...answer was always no. I think my mom realizes that because I turned out ok, and Jen is a lot more studious than I'll ever be, that she'll be better than fine in the end.
There's so much food at home, and in a few days, I'll probably gain back all that weight I lost from 2 weeks of starvation. Time to go to Bally's with my mom and work off that gut. If I want to go to Florida this summer, I'll have to be able to walk around in the bathing suit without people shuddering and pointing at my badonkadonk.
feelin' good
For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I am a HUGE "Sex and the City" fan. I don't think there's a single TV series that I've watched, literally, every episode of. So exactly what is it that makes the show so damn appealing? (Other than the obvious focus on sexual issues, hot men, and designer clothing)
I've narrowed it down to a few points. First of all, it's a classic "Beauty and the Beast" story. We have Belle (Carrie) who is well-educated, spunky, and has her own views and opinions about everything. Now, Belle's name means Beauty, but her looks aren't her main "thing" as is with, say, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, or Cinderella--each of whom doesn't really have much else going for her (sorry, girls). Carrie also isn't ever really described as being beautiful for, well, kinda obvious reasons; instead, the word used is "fabulous."
***The word "fabulous" not to be confused with "nice," "sweet," "cool," etc---phrases used to describe less-than-pretty girls who aren't complete bitches or psychos. "Fabulous" is a more ambiguous term that describes more personality and fashion sense than physical beauty. Which is probably what makes it the best term for Carrie***
There's also the fantasy of the perfect guy "coming around," like the Prince Charming who must be turned into a Beast to learn his lesson. There's nothing really wrong with Mr. Big (as Matthew McConaughey's character points out), but he's an ingeniously flawed character. Now, this plays into every woman's ego: it's not that I'm not good enough...he's just too dumb to see it. Mix it in with pride and vanity, and voila...the BEAST. Also, he leaves his beautiful wife to be with Carrie, who, like the average woman, isn't really known for having goddess-level looks. Let the trumpets sound! Victory for the common woman! There's hope after all!
I think another major point that makes "Sex and the City" so appealing for me is the concept of "rational irrationality" or "sympathetic irrationality." We don't like Carrie because she's rational, despite her insightful column, but because we can relate to her episodes of irrationality. For someone who has all the answers and can pick the issues to the bare bones, even Carrie has difficulties sorting out the parts of her life that don't really make sense. It doesn't make sense that she gets together with Big time after time; it doesn't make sense that she has $40 thousand dollars in shoes but no money to pay the rent; and most importantly, it doesn't make sense that she frequently sabotages her relationships, say, with Aiden. But we get it. She gets herself into situations that we can relate to--even though we also don't understand why--and through that, our lives seem a little more rational because there's someone who also gets it.
I think watching "Sex and the City" should be a prerequisite for every guy who wants to enter into a meaningful relationship and doesn't want to be surprised by episodes of "psycho irrationality." I think most women are perfectly aware of when they're being irrational, but relationships aren't built on logic anyway (see the trained justification of irrationality? Guys, you'll have to break past this, so beware).
Still, the main reason I think "Sex and the City" speaks out to me is how even though Carrie raises important questions every episode, she never answers them. At least, not in the way that guys would expect. When woman ask questions, we dont' really want answers, we want sympathy. Which is what "Sex and the City" gives us. After every question, we see scenarios in which other women grapple with the same problems, but it's never really solved (and if it is, there's really no concrete reason why). It's not like a home improvement show: leaky faucet? Here're the tools and instructions.
But don't get me wrong. I'm not delighting in the female "human condition," nor am I saying that it's something we can't help. Sometimes I wish I could be more rational and calm and do things by the rules, but it's just not going to happen anytime soon. I need the drama. But I also need the sympathy after I start shit. Does that make sense? Probably not, but for those of you who do get it, I'm betting you can't tell me why; you just relate, and that's more than enough for me.
blogger's block
Mucho apologies for the lack of blogging. A few times I actually opened up the "compose" window and just sat there thinking of all the banal things going on right now: exams, papers, more exams. Can't even say I really "survived" my first exam (history), because it was PDF, and thus doesn't really count as a "real exam." Some people would argue that today's exam (music) isn't a "real exam" either, but it is to me, dammit. I actually had a lot of fun in that class, probably because all my life I've been playing music but never really got a chance to know the history behind it. The professor's also an amazing lecturer, and I dont' think I've missed a single lecture since that week of being sick beginning of the semester. And that says a lot.
I need to start budgeting again if I want to go on vacation this summer. In high school, at least I got a chance to go away every other year thanks to orchestra trips, but I haven't really gone anywhere since graduation. It's actually kinda ironic considering how I now have more resources and freedom; I should be able to plan a trip somewhere. Goal: a week in Florida. Maybe not even a week...five days even. I just need to get out of Jersey before I go absolutely insane. I'm not a big fan of tans nowadays though--could be because of all those Asian fashion magazines I've been reading with all those bleach-faced women. Totally scary, but the Malibu Barbie look just doesn't do it for me.
I want to write something insightful again. I really do. Something about relationships or life or something bordering on emo, but without the angst. It's just not the right time though, so while you're sitting there bored, go to break.com and check out dane cook's first time. I think he's slowly becoming my favorite comedian because he's funny AND good-looking. Which makes him hotter than Wentworth Miller and Sawyer from "Lost." By the way, don't you think Patrick Dempsey's kinda douche-looking? I totally don't understand the buzz thats being generated by him. He's not that good-looking, and the vibe he gives off is just....douche-y.
Anyway, about how "Grey's Anatomy" is slowly changing my life. Well, not directly...but get this: after watching a season and a half of the show, Karl's decided to change his career goals. That's right--he's preparing to be a doctor. Not even like..."oh I'll think about it"...but actually talking to people in charge of courses and getting ready for it. It's crazy! Changing your major within two days of thinking...Who the hell does that??? Thing is, he actually doesn't need that many more courses on top of what he's got already because MechE and PreMed have a lot of overlaps. That Goldwater scholarship he got should also come in handy for applying to med school too. Still, I have a feeling I'm going to have a tough time keeping up with him and his passions for this and that. At the same time, it's pretty inspiring too considering I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life.
I'm just not that career-driven. I've been studying my ass off recently, and I have no clue for what. I figure if I decide I want to go to law school, at least I'll have the GPA there and ready for me. So maybe all I'm doing nowadays is backup for if/when my writing falls through and I'm starving on the streets. Note to self: keep a tight grip on that newly med-driven boyfriend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNY!!! You're a total doll...
well, you will be when you're drunk enough to let me put makeup on you. I'm talking smoldering seductress doll in furs: angora, cat, monkey...
wheel of adjectives
This weekend was houseparties, and today was me and Karl's 2-year anniversary.
The Terrace party was pirate themed, so Karl has his hair pulled back, and the dress I'm wearing is actually jagged on the bottom. So after two days of partying, I got really worn out and stayed in today instead of going to lawn parties. I kinda woke up and thought, "I really don't want to get all prettied up again," so I stayed in my PJs. I'm in my PJs now, actually. It's very relaxing.
So far, I have 2 papers to do and 3 exams to study for. I promised myself to work extra hard this week, so hopefully that'll help...maybe. I probably won't be posting till summer starts because my life's about to be really really boring soon.
There was a spider in the shower today. I kept getting freaked out and splashing pathetic little drops of water at it. If I was at home, I would've grabbed the hairspray and made sure it couldn't move. And yes, I was one of those kids who poured glue over anthills. Horrible, I know.
I'm so broke right now. I'm missing out on 2 weeks of work; this week because of houseparties, and next week because of mindnumbing cramps and finals and papers. What really sucks is that during reading period, I really really really like ordering food so that I can just stay in and keep working. Really, when I get on a roll with my papers, I hate stopping because it takes a long time to get warmed up again.
Why is Law and Order SVU so much better than the other ones?
